I miss writing. I miss blogging, I miss the community, and I miss the opportunities.
Yet, something has happened in my brain in the past couple of years as I moved away from Putting My Opinions & Feelings On The Internet that have made me increasingly terrified of starting back up with any real meaning.
I want to write about food and cocktails, and yet a year into working in a fine dining bar and restaurant, and I’m plagued with Imposter Syndrome. You know. “Who am I to write about food when I’m such the rookie here?” Those types of thoughts.
Supportive friends remind me that my knowledge, while less than my mentors is still greater than others, and those Others will benefit from what I can share.
And yet, paralysis.
My Stories Are Your Stories
I hesitate to share my own personal stories as I’m increasingly sensitive to the privacy of other people. Man, you fuck that one up once or twice and you’ll get (rightfully) gun-shy about ever sharing anyone’s personal information ever again. For that reason, when *my* stories are also *their* stories, I’ve started playing those a bit more close-lipped (often times at the expense of sometimes feeling like I’m sorting through things on my own).
But, the truth remains, I miss this space and the people that used to hang out here, so I’m going to test the waters of new content and ideas.
I don’t have a content plan. I don’t give a single fuck about SEO (or language for that matter, apparently. #sorrymom), and the only thing about design I’m concerned with right now is that there are lots of pretty pictures (because my life is beautiful, really).
I know I said months ago that I was coming back, and I meant to, but then life and well, you know. Things happened. Today I’m just putting it out there that I’m a little nervous about it, but that I’m tired of letting that get in the way.
Have you heard of the Whole30? It’s this program based on a couple of books that challenges people who want to hit the reset button on their health to cut out all of the bad stuff for a month. The idea is that this helps break addictions to sugar, grain, alcohol, processed foods, and other bad habits.
I’m not doing it.
I’ve done cleanses before of varying lengths of time, and I understand their benefits. I’ve given up sugar and grains and alcohol and caffeine, and I get it. These days, I work in a restaurant with British Isles influence and Pacific Northwest ingredients. We have access to some amazingly fresh meat, seafood, and produce, as well as an entire community committed to eating, drinking, and living well.
I’m a part of it, and I love it.
However, it’s safe to say that I have been over-indulging lately, going beyond a simple appreciation for great food and cocktails and following hedonistic, in-the-moment, discipline-free whims.
I’d like to strike a balance between those two extremes, so I’ve been checking out some of the principles and tools surrounding the Whole30 as an inspiration and reminder of how best to eat. My at-home habits need a reset, so I’m going to focus on that while keeping my approach to enjoying Portland’s dining scene open-minded and relaxed.
If I come across a new cooking technique, teach myself something, or come up with something that works for me, I’ll share it. But this is not a healthy eating blog, and this is not a blog of gluttony. I know I don’t have to explain that, but having covered (or tried to cover) both ends of that pendulum swing over the past decade or so of blogging (food-related or otherwise), I figured I’d just admit that I’m just striving for balance between health and hedonism.
This isn’t a feelings blog, but I have many, so they’ll show up. It’s not a drink blog, but I’m bartending and working in a restaurant, so I’ll cover it. It’s not a Portland or Pacific Northwest-only blog but I live loudly and love deeply here, so the influence of this beloved region on my adventures and writing will be prevalent, and possibly even annoying. I won’t do much proof-reading or editing, save for spell-check and just making sure things make sense. I’m giving myself permission to just exist here and let that take whatever shape it does, rather than corner myself into something I’ll only end up quitting later because it wasn’t quite right.
That’s where I am. Maybe no one’s here anymore, or maybe you never left. Either way, I’m a little gun-shy, but I’m back. I promise nothing*.
*Except maybe a bunch of Instagram photos of my food, Portland’s beautiful summers, and lots and lots of cocktails. That, I am confident I can deliver.