“The best gift we can give anyone is our calm presence.”
I don’t even know where to begin with where that first started to sink in, but I’ll try.
First, there was the fact that it was the end of a particularly challenging yoga class. Challenging for me, anyway. Challenging because I took up running again last week (HI, CARDIO!) and feel like that works different muscles than yoga, so I was all stretchy in different places than I was used to being.
The class was challenging because one of my favorite instructor happens to be everyone’s favorite instructor, and forty people in a yoga studio is hot and sweaty and close. And challenging because on top of working new muscles in a packed studio, these classes are heated to 95 degrees anyway.
So, I was hot and working some new muscles groups in different ways and these aren’t excuses, I’m just saying it was a challenging class.
“The best gift we can give anyone is our calm presence.”
So, an hour passes and we’re working our way into savasana, and I know I shouldn’t say “work” because here’s where we do all of the real letting go and real just being and real stillness*. Except it’s tough sometimes to quiet our minds and be calm after being energized, and to put aside – even for a couple of minutes – the busy that’s in our minds and just be present.
And I hear these words, and I start to breathe them in. Chew on them. Meditate on them.
My calm presence.
Which, is interesting for a number of reasons, the most obvious to me at the moment being this hovering feeling of over-stimulation. Produce, produce, produce, output, output, output.
Conversely, I’ve been seeking input lately, to avoid burnout. I love producing, creating, and expressing, but my soul has been craving knowledge and learning about my world, my relationships, and really I just wanted to absorb information without feeling as though I had to regurgitate it.**
So, I tried to absorb this, and let it sink in.
“The best gift we can give anyone is our calm presence.”
So I considered how my calm presence is and could be a gift. How calmness during conflict, whether external or internal, could be a gift to myself and my relationships. And I considered what it might take to find and keep that perpetual calmness during the busy times, the high levels of activity, the quick pace. I knew from watching my body and mind react to stimuli recently that I definitely need to balance all of the output with a little more input - listen more, read more, absorb more. Give myself permission to watch that documentary, to read that magazine, and to stop writing and producing long enough to have things to write and produce about.
OH. Interesting concept. Hi, Balance! Nice to see you again.
I also determined that yoga and rest had a lot to do with it, but I also determined that what’s true for me in that answer may not be true for you. So…
How do YOU hold yourself accountable to stay calm under pressure? Cool under fire? Or if you don’t think a calm presence is the best gift you can give someone – your lover, your friend, or yourself – then what is?
*I know, I know. We do all those things in all the postures. Yadda yadda… 
**The irony of the output that is blogging is not lost on me, don’t worry.
Also – I’m thinking about making “Off the Mat” a regular, weekly series – thoughts? Anyone else like this idea?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
love the idea of making this a weekly feature! Reading about other people's practice is super awesome especially the way you talk about things like "finding calm.." i always take something away from my classes like that – usually it's about "breathing" or "opening the heart" and "letting go." so personally i love these posts
keep 'em coming!
Thanks so much for the feedback! It's certainly true that each class brings with it a different lesson, huh?
BALANCE! Hello! I know what you mean girl. Lately I find myself so caught up in the absolutely crushing need to create without taking enough time to exist. Just BEING, it's hard to find myself in that place. Thanks yoga, for giving me at least an hour of that. Otherwise: bike rides and deliberately leaving the house without technology. And really, really, really trying to offer that calmness as a gift to my people. I love that idea
(ps. Yeeah season 3!! Woot!)
I like that "leaving the house without tech" thing. And Season 3, woot!
It's all practice. I've yet to try yoga (and I know you'll shake your head at me right now), but I do know what it feels like to give someone your "calm presence".
I've practiced in situations where nothing could be gained by getting upset or angry to stay calm, to "surprise" the other person with the opposite reaction that they were expecting from me.
And you know what? That felt much more empowering than letting all the steam blow off. It's tough sometimes, but it gets easier over time.
Ah, you don't have to have tried yoga to have experienced things like those lessons – Clearly, your perspective on conflict and not blowing up are very 'enlightened' in and of itself!
I really enjoy your Off the Mat posts. Especially since I never felt like I had "revelations" when I did yoga, so I find it intriguing to see what speaks to other people. If that makes any sense. :-p
Trying to stay calm under pressure is most likely the greatest difficulty I face on a day-to-day basis. I get stressed out and incredibly frustrated over the simplest of things. Like the phone ringing while I'm in the middle of writing a sentence. It's a work in progress, and I think keeping this phrase written someplace I can see it just might help.
Thank you for that feedback
And yes, that totally makes sense, and I bet your revelations come in other forms, huh? 
These "Off the Mat" posts are quickly becoming one of my favorite features on your blog. They are inspiring and thought-provoking and make me want to leave work immediately and find the nearest yoga studio. I definitely vote for making this a regular weekly feature!
Thank you so much for that feedback!
First of all, I love Off The Mat.
Secondly, when I was getting my teaching credential, so many professors told us repeatedly how hard we had to work, how much time we should be spending grading/planning, etc…until we had one professor who insisted that we spend one week cutting out all the extra shit we do at work: let a TA help us grade, plan only a week, etc. and spend the rest of the time doing what we love, be it reading, writing, blogging, watching movies, etc. She then had us return the next week and describe the differences in our teaching practice and it was really amazing. You can't show up for others unless you show up for yourself, first. I think that learning to fill the well makes you a better person because then you're not running on empty all the time.
Great post, again. Love you—and we need to catch up! ARGH!
"You can't show up for others unless you show up for yourself, first."
Just yes.
I've never thought about it in those terms, but it makes so much sense! Not only to try to be calm and exert a peacefulness over yourself when in crisis, but to offer that calming influence to others in their own crises. I love your Off the Mat posts – keep 'em coming!
Hmmm this makes me wish I can actually do yoga. I've only done it through DVDs and I just can't quite focus and get to a calmer place than where I am every time I've tried…
I think an open-mind is the best gift you can give someone… And I say that not as an alternative to a calm presence. I think they go hand-in-hand.
I try to run almost everyday of the week just to "get it all out." But I also make it a point to get to yoga because it helps me find my balance — my center.
I LOVE the Off the Mat posts you've done, keep 'em coming!
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