After a little encouragement and some inquiring minds, I recently took a [generic, free] MBTI Test and discovered what we all already knew – I’m an ESFJ. I’m Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging. In a nutshell, besides the Extroverted part, ESFJs are generally less intuitive and more likely to need to feel out and get a sense of a situation before forming opinions about things, we make decisions based on feeling and emotion more than logic and analysis, tend to plan activities and prefer patterns to randomness. This is studied, this is psychology, this is me.
It’s funny how sometimes we might actually be things we don’t necessarily want to admit we are. I want to be one of those spontaneous! free-spirited! unpredictable! types because they’re fun! and exciting!, but you know what? I do like a little bit of structure in my life. That’s not to say I’m opposed to flying by the seat of my pants sometimes, sometimes I crave that, and I’m really good at rolling with things, being adaptive, and just going with the flow. Though when I need to get back to a sense of neutral, my calm, I need to stop. I don’t get rocked if things don’t go my way, but when I can help it, I like to know which way I’m going.
This is tough for me to admit. That doesn’t make it any less true.
Looking out for #1? Not this girl!
A little more investigation about ESFJs revealed a characteristic that wasn’t as obvious until I read it and then felt as though I was hit over the head with my own truth. ESFJs tend to have an over-heightened attachment to the comfort and happiness of those around us. ESFJs make great hosts and hostesses because we love making others feel comfortable, engaged, and connected, but the downside of that is assuming responsibility for other people’s happiness.
Per Wikipedia:
ESFJs … take pleasure in other people’s happiness. They give generously but expect appreciation in return. Sensitive to the physical needs of others, they respond by offering practical care… they may have difficulty recognizing the shortcomings of loved ones.
It’s one thing to play hostess and make sure everyone’s drinks are full and the cheese plate is stocked. But whether or not you’re having fun and are talking to people? I’ll make an introduction, but have to learn to let go of what happens next.
I’m grateful for friends that point out when I’m over-compensating, remind me that I have a strong sense of self and place that I need to honor and let those around me find theirs, in the microcosm that is a social gathering and in the bigger pictures. I’m grateful for co-hosts who will not let me near the kitchen once the dinner party meal has been served so that I’m able to mingle with guests play with my friends without worrying about getting refills – because I would, otherwise.
Open and Accepting
Everyone who’s ever known me knows that I love to host parties, love to have people in my home, and very openly welcome people into my spaces – physical space like my kitchen, and personal space like my heart.
I’ve always known that I’m an open person – open book, open heart, open mind. My challenge right now is to embrace that and be that and let go of a false sense of responsibility for the things I can’t control.
It’s empowering to know and accept who you are, to embrace the things that make you unique, and to understand the reasons for certain behaviors. It’s also a beautiful thing to recognize the differenes between us and to celebrate the relationships that happen between complementary spirits. We can’t all be ESFJs, right?
And you?
Do you know your personality type? Do you own it or fight it?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
ENTJ. And I've blogged about it like a million times.
I wonder if I'm still an ENTJ or if that shifts. Meh.
COME TO CHICAGO. That's what you can get me. My happiness is counting on it.
I am an ENFJ, through and through. I'm a "natural cheerleader" and tend to be good at teaching and/or rallying my troops. I would agree wholeheartedly with the assessment of my personality
My only caveat is that I'm kind of a weak "E" and definitely tend towards the "I" sometimes.
I don't know my personality type but I am like you in the sense that I worry if people are having a fun time and are ok while I host get togethers. It makes me worry that people won't be having a good time!
.-= Kellie´s last blog ..Nugget's 28 week photo shoot =-.
I don't know my personality type, but I'd love to take a test! Where did you take yours? The personality page wasn't free
Hey – the free test I took was here: http://bit.ly/aEJwxa. I’d love to do the “real” and formal test sometime and see if ESFJ stays the same and get to understand all of the different percentages a lot better, but this was a great starting point and snapshot!
Doni – I'm an INTP (Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Intuition) and I definitely fit the description very well. It's not something I guide my entire life by (uh oh, that decision was TOTALLY not INTP what the HELL am I doing?!) that would be foolish!
But it's fun to look into and learn about. It's always interesting to hear what others "think" of you, and a test designed to outline some of your personality characteristics is definitely something to consider and evaluate. Who knows, you may learn some strengths and weaknesses you never considered before!
(Here's an "in depth" look at me if you want to crawl into my brain – I think you can go to the main website and get all the personalities: http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html)
.-= Elisa´s last blog ..Hate On Me =-.
I don’t know my personality type, and don’t have the urge to find out. I don’t need some random characteristics and scriptors put together to try to describe me. I am who I am… and some days I’m not.
*PS: If that comes off harsh, and it just might, that is totally not my intentions, just my feelings*
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..Book Review: Ransom =-.
Not at all harsh, but I'd still love to know more about who you are – however you define or understand it
.-= Doniree´s last blog ..Can I get you anything? =-.
I hear that I'm an ENTJ, and specifically a "fieldmarshall" whatever that means (http://bit.ly/MHCxg). So in the same way, there's the general consensus that we pay more attention to the crowd than we do to ourselves. But who is to say that the crowd doesn't make us whole?
I had taken the test years ago and couldn’t remember my type, so I just retook it, and it turns out I’m also an ESFJ. And it’s spot on for me. I also fight with the urge to be random and spontaneous, but at my very core, I need a plan. Plans make me feel comfortable. I’m getting much better at being more go with the flow and letting things develop, however. Although I think that’s just because I’m getting older and more comfortable in my own skin.
.-= StaceyParadise´s last blog ..On Mother’s Day and how I deal =-.
Let's absolutely meet somewhere and talk about all of this some more! And I'll address your other points in an upcoming blog post
You inspired some new thoughts, miss.
I think it takes a great deal of self-awareness not only to read those descriptions and find that they do fit you, but to answer the questions really, really honestly. I'm sure the first time I took it, I answered it how I thought I should and no doubt it was wrong. When I'm honest about how I act in the world around me? Pretty simply analyzed, ha.
INFP. I've been an INFP for as long as I've known about the MBTI. I think it fits me perfectly, actually. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFPEspecially this: "INFPs develop these insights through reflection, and they require substantial time alone to ponder and process new information. While they can be quite patient with complex material, they are generally bored by routine. Though not always organized, INFPs are meticulous about things they value. Perfectionists, they may have trouble completing a task because it cannot meet their high standards. They may even go back to a completed project after the deadline so they can improve it."I own my type. Knowing my type has actually taught me to overcome some of the shortcomings of it. Like, never wanting to do something because "I'll never do it right". Or holding people way too high on my own ethics and standards.
I just had to take this test for a class and found out I’m an INFJ. It was pretty right on, it’s kind of creepy how right on those tests can be.
LOVE! I dug up my results from the official MBTI I took in college and I'm an ENFJ.
“For ENFJ's relationships are everything! … They tend to be rather idealistic and use their personal values to rule their lives. … Are usually able to communicate in ways that make others feel excited about their ideas. They work hard to develop and maintain harmony in all relationships. … They sometimes sacrifice their own needs and make choices that are not in their own best interest in order to please others. They may chose not to see the facts that contradict their idealistic view of other people and then end up disappointed and hurt. … Wanting to always appear capable, organized, and in control…”
Yup. That's me. Now, though, what do you do with this information? Is it just a way to explain how we are and say “well, that's me, just the way I am” or do you work to change things? It didn't tell me much I don't already know. Or is it better in knowing other personality types so you can know how to relate to people? Like coworkers. If nothing else, it's something fun and interesting to read and journal about, right? And it's nice to know that despite my attempts not to take on too much, it continues because personality is mostly unchanging and well, I can't help it. Right?
I feel ya about meeting other people's needs though. I spend more time not talking to anyone when I host because I'm too busy talking to everyone and making sure they have what they need. We should host a party together. Or just fly together somewhere again and talk about personality some more.
I'd love to look more into the percentages for each piece of that. Because while I do enjoy structure and my “normal” is to get back to a routine, I do roll with things and adapt pretty easily. I'd like to know where in ESF and J that particular trait falls, or if it's even under that or not. Fascinating stuff
Chicago! You know I want to be there and hope to before too long
ESFJ is the least sexy of all the “Js”. Probably more of a 5th date thing.
I didn't take that test, but I prefer randomness and general debauchery. Hopefully there's a WRLE
(Weird, Random, Lazy, Extrovert)
THAT IS SO TRUE about you
You are so smart, and learn so many
DETAILS about things because you take the time to understand
complexity. And you're a phenomenal crafter and knitter for that
reason also.
I've always scored an INTJ, myself. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTJ
Oh good! I love when we inspire each other! Kind of funny we did a reflection exercise on personality and things that are important to our lives and why we need to be self-aware to work with others. Fun stuff.
Thank you!! I just took the test and I'm an ENFJ, which seems pretty accurate!
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