Reflections on a Chakra Workshop, Part 2: Moving Through It

“I’m ready to be open,” she said. “I just don’t know how to let go.”

My favorite postures in yoga have always been the hip openers.  I know I hold tension there, and poses like half-pigeon feel like an energetic and active release of tension that gives way to openness, to flexibility.  I mean this physically first – hip stretches just feel good.

I remember being taught in class once that we hold a lot of emotions in this area from current and past experiences, and that it’s not uncommon for things to “come up” in these postures.

Emo Yoga

Exploring what that means has been one of the richest and most empowering experiences in my yoga practice (which translates to “in my life” when we consider that lessons on the mat apply off the mat as well).  When you consider the fact that these are emotional poses, and consider the fact that I’m a known ‘feeler‘ (rather than someone who uses logic to problem solve), this just makes sense.

And it’s not that these poses or emotions are particularly comfortable, but we’ll all agree that the process of allowing yourself to go through discomfort and challenge is necessary, right?  And I get that, and to be honest – kind of embrace it because I know that burying things only means they’ll resurface later; dealing with them means you can move through it and forward.

Earlier this week, I wrote about the reflections from the first part of the Chakra workshop I did a few weeks ago – the root chakra, the fairly simple realizations that I had a lot going on for me here that I wasn’t totally tapped into.  This second part, the second chakra, was a much more challenging experience.

Comfort zone? Not today!

I was a little apprehensive about this part of the class.  While part one held its own lessons, they were basic to me – inspiring, though certainly not surprising.  It’s the things we’re not so aware of that are a little more startling.

Our first chakra holds our stability and the feeling of being grounded.  Our second is responsible for emotions, creativity, sexuality, and deep relationships.  I was startled and frustrated when this part of the class was physically exhausting and stressful for me and took an immense amount of effort.  Again, I’m naturally a feeler, toucher, and someone who gets off on building and cultivating relationships.  Why was I feeling so much resistance in the poses that typically challenge and invigorate me?

“It’s not uncommon for emotions to come up in these postures.”

The vinyasa through warrior poses and horse pose and five-pointed star pose was active and energetic, though in postures that typically make me feel liberated and open and free, I felt angry and violated.  This was so intense that I resisted, feeling the need to protect myself, and confused about why my instincts were to guard myself instead of allow for openness.  Either way, I locked down, when we’re taught to move through.

Breaking down to break through

My balance was off, I was a breath or three behind the whole time, and emotionally I was overwhelmed, conflicted, and totally out of any kind of alignment – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual – all of it.  I was completely unraveled.

By the time we got into half-pigeon, I was falling apart.  I tried to “surrender into the posture” and “breathe into areas of tension,” just like they tell us, but I couldn’t – would not – let go.

I don’t even remember the meditation part, I was so shaken up by the physical practice. Whatever we were supposed to think about or visualize or channel or whatever, I completely missed.  When we talked through this portion with our partners and instructors, all I could say was “I’m frustrated.  My body hurts, and emotionally, I have no idea what this is that I’m feeling.”

There is power in self-awareness

The positive thing is that when we’re aware of things, we’re able to acknowledge them and then appropriately deal with them.  The challenge is in learning the things that were buried so deep that we didn’t know we had something to deal with at all.  The reward is in moving through it.

Tagged as: chakra, svadisthana, Yoga