It’s arguable I’m one of those rose-colored glasses people. It’s painfully obvious I’m not a glass half-empty person, but a GRAB-A-TOWEL!-MY-CUP-RUNNETH-OVER! person.
A history lesson
I’ve dealt with some random anxiety issues, off and on, for the last few years. I blogged about it on an old blog (post was imported and now lives on this blog). They started in college when I decided I wanted to hide from everything that meant I had to know what I was doing after graduation.
Seemingly everyone: So what do you plan to DO with that psych degree?
Me: dfafjdkjadfljafja. Panic.
I made the decision to actually talk to someone about unexplained panic attacks and what felt like the start of a general disconnection from my world. I learned a few things about myself, about how to cope with anxiety, and how I see the world.
When I told the doc that I was having a hard time identifying and understanding someone who was just “SO black and white” when I saw the world in gray, she stopped me and said:
No. You see the world in COLOR.
Those words have stuck with me like few others ever have for so long, and have molded the way I not only see things, but approach everything.
A larger-scale worldview
Over the course of the last few years, that “life in color” idea has expanded. I’ve learned to deal with other forms of anxiety: I hate flying, but I’ll be damned if I stop traveling; I’m afraid of danger out in the world and mean people, but I’m never going to be a homebody, hermit type to avoid them.
I’ve learned that a lot of these fears can be controlled, or at least managed, through the power of thought. I can choose to fear the unknown. I can choose to let fear and worry take up the space between thoughts and plans in my mind. And when I do that, I find myself anxious. I find myself worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, and attracting the very things I fear.
When I instead choose to fill my thoughts and feelings with love, joy, and kindness, I find that that is what I attract in my life. That’s not to say I’m naive and will run around sketchy parts of towns in the middle of the night. I’m a positive thinker, but I’m not reckless.
It’s true that bad things happen, that not everyone has been surrounded by experiences that mirror unicorns and rainbows and pots of gold. I get that. I’ve lived through my own challenges and my own fears. But I do know, and I do believe at my very core that while there are exceptions and this can’t be a blanket statement… I do trust the good in people. I trust that it exists more than it doesn’t. I trust easily. Always have. Sometimes, sure, I have been let down, but the times I haven’t? Far outweigh the times I have, additionally inspiring some of the most enriching relationships I have ever known.
Call me naive, call me crazy. But I’ll call you friend until you prove me wrong.
Doniree Walker is an aspiring yogini, jet-setter, foodie, and story-teller. She's a writer and geek girl by trade, and a lover and a connector by lifestyle, and is currently obsessed with: train travel, single-serving chocolate milk, and brand new notebooks. Oh, and she's also part supergirl. Wanna be friends? 
{ 93 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh beautiful, I'm so glad that you've been able to get it under control and that you're to a place where the world feels more kind. I don't think that you're naive at all- if you smile at people when you're out & about they'll smile back, and it just makes the world look friendlier. There are so many little things you can do to make sure that the person you're putting out in the world everyday isn't always anticipating the worst- and to me, that sounds a lot healthier.
Doniree: You know what amazes me about this social media world? The fact that there are people out there that are so similar to you and you never even know it until you start reading their blog. That said, I'm really glad I started reading your blog
This post rings true for me on so many levels — in fact, I could have sworn I heard my own voice speaking through your words. I was just telling someone the other day that when I'm at my best, the world is alive with color — rich, vibrant color that shows beauty and hope and *life.* At my weakest, that fades…the grass becomes just a dull shade and the world feels like it's perpetually winter. But at my best…it feels like the world glows with possibility, like you can accomplish anything. So I understand when you say you live your life in color. It's what enables you to push through fears and anxiety — of which I've dealt with for a great portion of my young adult life (and which I talk about a lot on my own blog). It's what makes you believe in humanity, though people sometimes give you cause to grow jaded and cynical. And it's what helps you believe in yourself, what helps you get through a day.
I've been called naive before. I think as I've grown older, I've lost a bit of that Pollyanna outlook and become a bit more realistic. I can be gaurded and suspicious and slow to trust. Fear still clings to me like a second skin, though I do my best to push through it and shed myself of that. When it comes down to it, who I am is an optimist, a dreamer, a believer. How I see the world is part of my make up — I don't think I could change that even if I wanted to.
And I definitely don't want to.
And I hope you don't either.
Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I'm glad that there are others like this in the world. I think the world needs both optimists and realists to kind of balance everything out. Sure, this viewpoint can open you up to heartache and disappointment, and, sure it might lead to fear and anxiety and uncertainty. But I think that's also what helps you get through that fear and heartache. Because you believe enough in something more and something better. And you realize that the joy and kindness and love that you fill your life with is maybe worth all of that.
I love this post. Absolutely beautiful. And while I'm writing — good luck with that new job! Keep Grace in line
a long time ago, someone really special called you 'her sunshine'. You have lived up to that moniker all your life. I admire the adventureness (is that a word?), the courage, the joy you have in living a life in color. Me? I'm basically black and white, and I'm comfortable with that.
You make me proud!
I for some reason can't click on the comment box to get a cursor so I'm just replying here, but this post makes me SO happy. It took me a really long time to realise that I was CHOOSING to live in fear, when I WANTED to be free, optimistic, kind and inspiring. If I chose to keep being afraid of venturing out I'd never be able to grow, or make a difference. The power of choice, hey!!
Mema was special, wasn't she? I think we have a pretty nice balance, huh? Thanks, Ma
“it just makes the world look friendlier” – bingo. My world IS bright, and I think that's largely a lot of what I put out into it. And what you put into it – you're a ray of sunshine yourself, lady. The kind that comes in softly through a window in the late afternoon
The power of choice is a strong, strong power, isn't it?
I read this post just before leaving the house this morning and grabbed an old journal because I knew there was something I wanted to share with you after reading this.
A few years ago, I was in a rut with my career and figuring out what I wanted to and then how to go about doing it so at the suggestion of a friend, I started working with a life coach. One of the things I started doing when working with him was to keep this journal and eventually which allowed me to work some things out logically.
Like you, I'm a pretty optimistic person but for whatever reason, these career issues were paralizing me. I was procrastinating on all sorts of things because of perfectionist tendoncies and fear that I would make a mistake and be aggressively yelled at (hangover issues from a previous job with a crazy boss). Anyway – what I wrote in my journal to get past all this:
“Look at fear as a discomfort. By calling it FEAR we hand over control. When we call it discomfort we recognize that it is temporary and we can change things.”
I want that on a POSTER above doors, on my refrigerator, basically plastered on my forehead. I love that. And I'd love to talk offline sometime about the things you learned from your journaling. I'm starting to get very personal with my own
Doni! I'm having the same issues as Emily from above—no cursor in the comment box. Ah, well.
First, I love this post…so, so, so much. Growing up, I was relentlessly happy and cheerful and just loved everybody. Crippling anxiety and chronic depression seemed to somehow steal that joy—along with other difficult experiences. I think I've sort of masked it with sarcasm and “being funny” because it's easier than admitting that I am scared or insecure or anxious.
Lately, I've been really cognizant of going into experiences with the attitude that “I like this new thing, I like this new person and I love my life” until I don't. Instead of looking for the bad, or the thing to make fun of, I have been trying to put that good into the world. And I really, really think it helps.
Great post. I could write a book length response. Maybe I already did. xoxo
Maybe when I get around to making a store for Stacked I'll make that poster. And anytime you want to chat I'm game.
You, are awesome.
I tend to be probably more cynical than necessary, but I love nothing more than for people to prove me wrong and show me how good the world can be.
Oh beautiful, I'm so glad that you've been able to get it under control and that you're to a place where the world feels more kind. I don't think that you're naive at all- if you smile at people when you're out & about they'll smile back, and it just makes the world look friendlier. There are so many little things you can do to make sure that the person you're putting out in the world everyday isn't always anticipating the worst- and to me, that sounds a lot healthier.
The world could use more people like you, Doni. Don't change for anyone or anything
Thank you. For making my eyes get all welled up at work. And for that comment.
I love that you majored in Psych. Mine was History.
Here's to learning something to learn instead of just learning something to do.
a long time ago, someone really special called you 'her sunshine'. You have lived up to that moniker all your life. I admire the adventureness (is that a word?), the courage, the joy you have in living a life in color. Me? I'm basically black and white, and I'm comfortable with that.
You make me proud!
I for some reason can't click on the comment box to get a cursor so I'm just replying here, but this post makes me SO happy. It took me a really long time to realise that I was CHOOSING to live in fear, when I WANTED to be free, optimistic, kind and inspiring. If I chose to keep being afraid of venturing out I'd never be able to grow, or make a difference. The power of choice, hey!!
Mema was special, wasn't she? I think we have a pretty nice balance, huh? Thanks, Ma
Mema was special, wasn't she? I think we have a pretty nice balance, huh? Thanks, Ma
“it just makes the world look friendlier” – bingo. My world IS bright, and I think that's largely a lot of what I put out into it. And what you put into it – you're a ray of sunshine yourself, lady. The kind that comes in softly through a window in the late afternoon
“it just makes the world look friendlier” – bingo. My world IS bright, and I think that's largely a lot of what I put out into it. And what you put into it – you're a ray of sunshine yourself, lady. The kind that comes in softly through a window in the late afternoon
The power of choice is a strong, strong power, isn't it?
The power of choice is a strong, strong power, isn't it?
I read this post just before leaving the house this morning and grabbed an old journal because I knew there was something I wanted to share with you after reading this.
A few years ago, I was in a rut with my career and figuring out what I wanted to and then how to go about doing it so at the suggestion of a friend, I started working with a life coach. One of the things I started doing when working with him was to keep this journal and eventually which allowed me to work some things out logically.
Like you, I'm a pretty optimistic person but for whatever reason, these career issues were paralizing me. I was procrastinating on all sorts of things because of perfectionist tendoncies and fear that I would make a mistake and be aggressively yelled at (hangover issues from a previous job with a crazy boss). Anyway – what I wrote in my journal to get past all this:
“Look at fear as a discomfort. By calling it FEAR we hand over control. When we call it discomfort we recognize that it is temporary and we can change things.”
I want that on a POSTER above doors, on my refrigerator, basically plastered on my forehead. I love that. And I'd love to talk offline sometime about the things you learned from your journaling. I'm starting to get very personal with my own
I love you for this. Obviously. I love you for everything but also for this.
Doni! I'm having the same issues as Emily from above—no cursor in the comment box. Ah, well.
First, I love this post…so, so, so much. Growing up, I was relentlessly happy and cheerful and just loved everybody. Crippling anxiety and chronic depression seemed to somehow steal that joy—along with other difficult experiences. I think I've sort of masked it with sarcasm and “being funny” because it's easier than admitting that I am scared or insecure or anxious.
Lately, I've been really cognizant of going into experiences with the attitude that “I like this new thing, I like this new person and I love my life” until I don't. Instead of looking for the bad, or the thing to make fun of, I have been trying to put that good into the world. And I really, really think it helps.
Great post. I could write a book length response. Maybe I already did. xoxo
Oh wow. Totally blown away by the way you said that. Learning to learn. I love that. And my psych degree explains a LOT of how my brain works, ha.
Thank you. I love you for our life sponsors.
I absolutely love it when my assumptions are proved wrong in general, when I assume the worst and I'm totally wrong.
Not at all presumptuous! Thank you SO much for this amazing response. I love that you call it “Pollyanna.” Thanks SO much for the awesome feedback, and I told Grace you said hello!
Maybe when I get around to making a store for Stacked I'll make that poster. And anytime you want to chat I'm game.
I absolutely agree that our upbringing plays a huge role in how we see things. My great-grandmother called me her “sunshine” since Day One, and there's no doubt that impacted how I acted. In my own experiences, past childhood and into the part of our lives where we determine how we're going to live our lives, I've found that my life most benefits from an optimistic perspective. I'd also argue that the more you see and expect the positive first, the more your life will improve.
Yeah. They're good. They may not know it yet but they are.
I'm inclined to trust anyone who can cut through the crap and be themselves. That usually happens very, very quickly.
I think the ability to trust comes with being a decent judge of character. I think you are. I like to believe I am.
The world could use more people like you, Doni. Don't change for anyone or anything
Thank you. For making my eyes get all welled up at work. And for that comment.
I love that you majored in Psych. Mine was History.
Here's to learning something to learn instead of just learning something to do.
Well said.
I love you for this. Obviously. I love you for everything but also for this.
Oh wow. Totally blown away by the way you said that. Learning to learn. I love that. And my psych degree explains a LOT of how my brain works, ha.
Thank you. I love you for our life sponsors.
I absolutely love it when my assumptions are proved wrong in general, when I assume the worst and I'm totally wrong.
Not at all presumptuous! Thank you SO much for this amazing response. I love that you call it “Pollyanna.” Thanks SO much for the awesome feedback, and I told Grace you said hello!
I absolutely agree that our upbringing plays a huge role in how we see things. My great-grandmother called me her “sunshine” since Day One, and there's no doubt that impacted how I acted. In my own experiences, past childhood and into the part of our lives where we determine how we're going to live our lives, I've found that my life most benefits from an optimistic perspective. I'd also argue that the more you see and expect the positive first, the more your life will improve.
Yeah. They're good. They may not know it yet but they are.
I'm inclined to trust anyone who can cut through the crap and be themselves. That usually happens very, very quickly.
I think the ability to trust comes with being a decent judge of character. I think you are. I like to believe I am.
Well said.
You are incredible.
Every morning I wake up to a framed poster above my bed that reads “Where I'm from, there is no Plan B. So take advantage of today because tomorrow is not promised” which I loosely base my life around. I'm certainly not as bright and shiny as you are, but I try to leave each day better than when I entered it, and to not waste my time. Which doesn't mean being busy all the time, but rather actively pursuing dreams and goals that matter, and ditching the ones that don't.
I believe in being overly nice to strangers, trusting, and living without fear.
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